Celiac Bites

If I were suicidal...

If I were the suicidal type, I might think about participating in the FLOUR FIGHT during the annual carnival in Laza, Spain...

Maybe next year.

Photos from DamnCoolPics. Thanks to Mike for this find!

Truth or Consequences: Bottle Caps Candy

Wonka Bottle Caps

Are They Gluten Free?

___  Yes!
___   No!
___  I'm afraid to find out!

Hmmm. Tricky one…. Candy's that are based on some mysterious powdery substance. They're good, therefore you probably can't eat them if you have celiac.

 

Post your answer and insights in the comments below! 

I’m the world’s worst celiac patient

Quick! Has anyone seen House???

I like to think I have gotten pretty good at avoiding accidental glutenings, and even better at identifying the source. Practice makes perfect you know. Shoot, by now I should be considered an expert celiac patient. If there was an Olympic biathlon event for avoiding gluten while cross country skiing, I would be a shoe-in for the gold medal.

So last week I managed to subdue a glutening of epic proportions after a long and protracted battle. And this after I ate all week long with extreme caution.

• No restaurants.
• No new foods.
• Always fanatically careful about cross contamination. I could give Monk a run for his money in that department.
• I definitely did not scarf down any Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts, as much as I wanted to.
• Same toothpaste.
• Haven’t taken a shower in months. Ok just kidding on that one, but I did not use any new shampoo or soap.
• Same dental floss.
• No new morning food or drink routine.
• I didn’t load 50 pound sacks of flour as a part time side job.
• No wheat farming or anything (that I can remember.)
• No pizza parties.

I’m stumped. Any ideas?

I’d love to hear about the most perplexing gluten mysteries you have solved. One of my most interesting ones to date has been the Senseo coffee pod adventure. What’s yours?

My gluten detection superpower

I have a gift.

I’ve been blessed with the supernatural ability to detect the quality and consistency of “thorough cleaning and sanitation processes.” Food manufacturers rely on these procedures to produce both standard and gluten free foods in the same facility. You might think that my powers would prompt generalized hero worship and mayors giving me keys to cities and such. In reality, my unique ability is more like a burden. I now completely empathize with Spiderman, and we attend the same self-help group on Tuesday evenings.

By the way, do you like how my superhero carries a grocery bag? That makes my enemies tremble with fear for sure.

Still, burden or not, I figure I still ought to use my talent for the greater good, so I continue to run right into blazing fires by testing new products that claim to be gluten free.

Take Chex cereal for example. There has been a lot of hype on the celiac bulletin boards and Twitter recently about various Chex cereals now being gluten free. General Mills also makes a big deal about it, listing “GLUTEN FREE” in large letters on the box front and four separate times on the back of the box. Either they are really concerned about my health, or they want to make a lot of money from the celiac community. I’m not sure which, but I would bet on the “want to make a lot of money” option. Either way, this was awesome news! A “normal” product I can buy in any grocery store instead of relying on UPS to deliver my food!

Being a gifted superhero, I teleported to the nearest store and bought myself a large box of Rice Chex. I used to love those when I was a kid. The very next morning, I ate a bowl - and promptly became violently ill. Nice. I love marketing.

This is where the value of my superpower comes into play. Lying on my death bed after the gluten-free Chex ingestion, I had a vision. I saw a large room with lots of noisy machinery and Wheat Chex hovering around dropping little gluten packages with  parachutes into the nooks and crannies of all the Chex making machines. When I regained consciousness, I managed to scrawl an email to Chex Customer Service. I asked them whether gluten-free Chex are made in a dedicated facility or at least on dedicated equipment. 

The response reminded me of why I love lawyers so much. Rather than simply answering my question, they gave me a 290 word statement that basically told me to check the label. To top that off, the response ended with the following:

“If there are no gluten-containing ingredients listed in the product ingredient label, we still cannot assure that this product is gluten free. While we have not added gluten-containing ingredients, factors such as sourcing, conditions of manufacture, etc. do not allow us to provide the full level of assurance that a gluten free claim requires.”

Unfortunately for me, I was only gifted with cross contamination detection superpowers and not a razor sharp intellect. You see, in my simple view of the situation, I was pretty certain that General Mills had made gluten free claims, maybe by writing GLUTEN FREE all over the box. This legal stuff is pretty complex though, maybe I should probably stay out of it and just stick to watching Boston Legal.

But, as I have said in previous posts, I am a giver. SO I persisted in getting my question answered so I could share it with you, the Celiac Bites reader. On my second attempt, I got the following response:

“Our Gluten Free Chex cereals are not produced in a gluten free facility.  We do, however, ensure against cross-contamination with gluten-containing ingredients and products through thorough cleaning and sanitation processes, including testing between gluten and gluten free product runs based on FDA proposed regulations.”

There you go. Cleaning and sanitation processes. As I wrote about in a previous post about dedicated fryers in restaurants, you have to believe in a lot of perfection before you trust your physical well being to “procedures.”

The moral of the story is that food manufacturers like to make money. And eating gluten free is becoming a trendy thing. So being savvy marketers, they are going to take every opportunity to sell more of their stuff by making it stand out from the competition. If a few celiac patients get killed in the process, well, that’s just the cost of doing business.

So be careful out there. Don’t blindly trust the marketing claims. Remember that there are a lot of great businesses that pride themselves on making real gluten free food - in gluten free facilities. Check The Gluten Free Mall for lot’s of those products. In fairness to General Mills, they claim to make the new Betty Crocker gluten free baking mixes in a gluten free facility. Hat’s off to them for that – and a big BOO for the scam on Chex cereal.

I’d love to here about any other cross contamination detecting superheroes out there. Let me know – maybe we can form a Cleaning and Sanitation Procedures Justice League!

Truth or Consequences: Crest Glide Dental Floss

Glide Dental Floss

Is it Gluten Free?

___  Yes!
___   No!
___  I'm afraid to find out!

Hmmm. Tricky one….

 

Post your answer and insights in the comments below! 

Positively Skeptical

I keep seeing Tweets from people with Celiac talking about restaurants and procedures to make sure items served are indeed gluten free. These conversations usually end with a Tweetebration about how restaurant such and such is “safe.”

Having owned a restaurant myself for about six years, I have to admit I am more than a little concerned for my celiac brethren when it comes to reliance on “procedures” to keep menu items gluten free in an all-gluten environment of doom.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for restaurants making good efforts to serve their celiac customers. What I worry about is that people may tend to have a little too much blind faith and not quite enough healthy skepticism when it comes to dining out. It never hurts to stop and ask some questions before you jump in with both sets of teeth.

There’s one thing in particular that makes me cringe.

The dedicated fryer.

This sounds amazing, no, make that truly awesome, on paper. Imagine going to your favorite place that deep fries all sorts of poisoned breaded things. Imagine they say that you can eat their juicy, fresh-cut potato fries. Because they cook them in a dedicated fryer.

Sounds awesome, let’s go get some!

Not so fast. You restaurant owners out there – don’t flame me for what I am about to say – I am just trying to educate your customers so they can stay un-dead and you can stay un-guilty for inadvertently making someone no longer un-dead. Sorry I guess that last statement made un-sense. Gimme a break, it’s Friday!

A lot of things need to line up in the universe, without fail, and without exception, for the dedicated fryer plan to work.

• You have to believe that the dudes and dudettes in the kitchen never got so deep in the weeds during a mad lunch rush that they had to drop that chicken-fried-chicken sandwich in the dedicated fryer.
• You have to believe that there was never a brand new dude or dudette that was still learning the job and who didn’t know that you don’t cook deep fried Krispy Kremes in the dedicated fryer.
• If we’re dealing with a big restaurant or fast food chain, corporate has to have a clear policy and procedure. More importantly, they have to communicate that to hundreds or even thousands of locations. Even more importantly, each location has to abide by that procedure. And most importantly of all, each and every employee has to follow that procedure each and every time, forever, without fail and without direct supervision. Hmmm.
• You have to believe that when closing time rolls around, and the mad dash to get the heck out of there begins, the person stuck with the closing routine of filtering the fryer grease needs to jump through some hoops and invest some extra cleaning time. Most restaurants have just one fryer oil filter machine to strain the gunk out of the deep fryers at the end of each day. You have to hope that the person doing that stops, cleans the machine, and puts a brand new filter in it before filtering the oil in the dedicated fryer. And this during the Nascar “Finish my shift 500.” Not likely.
• You have to believe that no one in the kitchen ever lost focus, just for a second, and put a gluten-contaminated item in the dedicated fryer.
• You have to believe that the dedicated fryer is unlike most other fryers, and is not connected all in a row with the regular fryers where less than two inches separate one boiling and overflowing cauldron of poisonous gluten residue from the dedicated fryer. Oh, and you have to believe that fresh battered onion rings are not made in the adjoining fryer. That batter flies everywhere.
• Basically, you have to believe that, while your food is being prepared, the planets are lined up in peace and harmony, singing “I’d like to buy the world a Coke..”

So am I suggesting that you ban all restaurants trying to serve you a gluten free meal by developing and adhering to safe procedures? Not at all. I am simply suggesting that you exercise a little caution.  Ask about the dedicated fryer. Many places may not even deep fry breaded items at all. That’s great news for you! While I am not 100% sure yet, I believe Five Guys falls into this category. Some of the more sophisticated restaurants may in fact have a real dedicated fryer that is isolated and safe.

So just ask. Before you find out the un-fun way that the procedures don’t measure up to your needs.

Truth or Consequences: Vitamin Water

VitaminWater

Is it Gluten Free?

___  Yes!
___   No!
___  I'm afraid to find out!

OK, here’s one that’s a great example of things to always check out. I’ll give you some hints from the ingredients label. For example, Glaceau VitaminWater defense contains a bunch of serious and scary sounding ingredients, with the most suspicious being “natural flavors.”  Hmmm. That tells you a lot now doesn’t it?

 

Post your answer in the comments below.  We'll let you know how you did!

Eating lipstick. And other fun ways to poison yourself.

Last time, here on Celiac Bites, we talked about the joys of starting your gluten free journey by adopting an inclusive diet.

That’s a really good plan with one minor wrinkle. There are plenty of ways to make yourself miserable without the benefit of poisonous food. You don’t want to ruin your safe, inclusive diet now do you? So consider the following list as an idea starter to identify things in your life that are out to get you.

• Lipstick. Girls, you have it on your mouth! And guys have been known to kiss girls, who have lipstick on their mouth. A lipstick glutening can work either way!
• Shampoo. Where do you think all those sudsy bubbles go on their way from the top of your head to the shower drain? Umm, maybe your mouth? Like mom cleaning your mouth out with soap, it doesn’t take much to ruin your day.
• Envelopes. People have died on Seinfeld from licking envelopes. You probably won’t die, but for some reason people seem to want to put gluten in envelope glue.
• Toothpaste. Most are fine, but watch out for Sensodyne. Nothing definite, but many have complained about potential cross contamination in the manufacturing process.
• Dental floss. Yep, check before flossing, no matter what your dentist says.
• Speaking of torture dentists, check out the junk they put in your mouth at the annual cleaning. Yep, been burned by that. More than once.
• Non-food food stuff. A while back, I wrote about Senseo coffee pods. While I still haven’t been able to prove it, I think the adhesive that holds the pod together is part of a plot to kill me.
• Soaps, face scrubs, and other such things. Watch out. It goes on your face. Leading scientists believe this is where the human mouth is located.
• Things you don’t necessarily swallow. Like gum, mouthwash, mints, nasal or throat sprays, fluoride rinses, etc. Be sure to check before not swallowing!

Hopefully this sparks some ideas about non-food things in your household to watch out for. Did I miss any obvious ones? If so, comment below!

Celiac Tip: Don't pay bills before your morning coffee...

Minor problem this morning. I was up late last night and am admittedly a little foggy this morning.  I forgot my "driving" caffeine - you know, the cup of something or other strong that gets you from home to the office with a minimal number of traffic accidents and missed red lights. So I get to the office, grab a fresh cup of coffee, (and here is where "tip" comes into play) start dealing with a couple of bills to mail.

Not being remotely close to properly caffeinated, I naturally finish the first bill, pick up the envelope, and proceed to lick it.

Uh-oh.

Envelopes are one of those risky things - sometime the glue contains gluten and sometimes not. Why people feel compelled to make envelope glue out of poisonous bread of death escapes me. Couldn't they use Mighty Putty or something?  I am starting to feel like my paranoia is justified after all.

The case of the walking glutonia

Just because I'm paranoid doesn’t mean that Senseo coffee pods are not out to get me. In fact, I've been having recurring nightmares about them. In my dreams, they have mobilized like those "scrubbing bubbles" on T.V. and they are chasing me through an abandoned and really creepy summer camp. I have no idea why, in my dream, I have elected to go to a creepy abandoned summer camp in the middle of the night - by myself. And like the nameless extras in 'Friday the 13th' movies, I back into a dark room (without looking) where they await. But I digress.

Oh yes, Senseo Pods. They are evil, or maybe just demon possessed. Or maybe they just don't drink enough of their own coffee. I'm 95% sure that they are one of the many causes of 'Walking Glutonia' as I like to call it. You may be familiar with it. It's when you unknowingly ingest microscopic amounts of gluten for days or weeks. The quantity is so seemingly insignificant, kind of like the number of gluten free meals available in a Papa Johns restaurant. However, after ingesting these microscopic doses for several days or more, you suddenly get very, very sick. Like nuclear sick. Like if we could bottle it, the war on terror would be over like instantly. 

The worst part of Walking Glutonia is that its just about impossible to figure out what made you sick because you felt fine for the first several days of toxic poisoning. That's the really insidious thing. The second worst part is actually being sick.

Well, about a week after buying a new Senseo coffee maker, I came down with Walking Glutonia. It never even crossed my mind that the Senseo was to blame. After all, its only water and coffee - none of those fancy flavors for me. I'm a mans man after all and drink my Senseo out of my cute little coffee machine with unflavored breakfast and medium blends. And Walmart sells them, so its not like its some product made by the lowest bidder or anything. So of course I kept drinking the Kool-aid coffee. It was then I discovered that caffeine alone cannot overcome all physical ailments, so I stopped drinking the coffee. That really stunk, but I got better. Except for those daily occasional caffeine headaches.

Refusing to accept reality (I REALLY like coffee) I re-started my morning Senseo binge a couple of weeks later. I mean of all the things one eats and drinks over a day, I figured it had to be something random, certainly not my SENSEO. You'll never guess what happened next - after about a week of drinking lots and lots of coffee. Satan was unchained once again.

Obviously I was not going to give up my morning coffee, so I started the detective work and called the Senseo people.  They directed me to Sara Lee. There we had it - Sara Lee makes all kind of people poison like pound cakes and pies. Obviously they were injecting their Senseo pods with baked goods to build a dependence habit among the coffee drinking population. So I called to expose them.

Helpful Customer Service person: "Hello, my name is Marcie Jong-il, how can I help you today?"

Me (sick and in a really foul mood): "OK, confess.  You're in a call center in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, you're working under direct orders of Kim Jong-il, and you are tirelessly toiling day after miserable day to destroy the free world by means of gradual gluten poisoning."

Helpful Customer Service person who is obviously an enemy agent working under cover: (silence)

Me: "OK, so you won't talk. Fine. Can you tell me what's in the Senseo pods? What is that paper material made of? Are there any gluten ingredients in the paper? Where were you on the night on February 7th?"

Helpful Customer Service person: "Sir, our pods are made with pure paper products, there are no other ingredients, and no gluten." (at this point I could have sworn I heard her sniggering under her breath)

Me: "Aha! Caught you! What about the GLUE that holds the two halves of the paper together? Answer that!"

Helpful Customer Service person: "Glue?"

There you have it. She was busted and she knew it. Playing dumb didn't fool me for a minute. I still can't prove it, as she was obviously accustomed to tough interrogation techniques and never did talk, but it sure looks to me like those Senseo pods are held together with glue. And I bet its glue made of 100% pure gluten. It all fits with my conspiracy theory. So there.

Be safe out there, and watch your coffee.